weeping may tarry for the night

A lot of you have probably already knew or had read about how my wife was diagnosed with premature ovarian failure and told that she would never, ever, ever get pregnant.

She did get pregnant.  We have spent the last 8 weeks really excited about something that we thought we would never get to be excited about.  We praised God for a miracle.  We really couldn’t believe that we had created a baby.

Well, there have been some complications for the past two weeks or so, but we’ve been hopeful.  We had an ultrasound the other day, and the doctor said that there was no heartbeat.  But we were still hopeful.  Quite a few people told us that they had similar things happen and gone on to have a healthy baby, so we still had hope.

But we lost the baby this morning.

I know that most of you may not understand this, but we lost a child.  We lost a child that we loved as much as any parents would ever love a child.  We had already picked out names for him or her.  We had already started planning for cribs and strollers and all that stuff.  We lost our baby.

Its hard to breath right now.  We’re not going to be able to get through this without God.  We’re not going to be able to get through this without our friends and our family.  But we’re 2000 miles away from our families.  But we still need you.  Leah needs you.

We need you to pray.  We don’t need you to tell us you are praying for us if you’re not.  We really need you to pray.

We don’t need a nice hallmark message as you go on with your life, we need empathy.  But we don’t need you to just read this and not say anything.

We’ve got eachother, and we’ve got God, but we feel lonely.  We feel really lonely.

We’re trusting that God will be with us, but that doesn’t make it much easier.

In the midst of grief, in the midst of the toughest trials, God is still good.  God is still enough.  He is enough, but this is still hard.

Some people may think that we should not have shared about our pregnancy as early as we did in case something like this were to happen.  But we don’t regret it.  We wanted you guys to share in the miracle.  And now we want you guys to be there for us in the grieving.  In reality, I don’t know how we would make it if we hid this all away and didn’t tell anyone about it.  Or how we would explain that things are just different right now.

It may take us some time to get back to normal.  Or to find a new normal.  Things feel really dark right now.  So we need your love.  We need you to mourn with us and for us.  We need you to be there for us if we want to cry.  We need you to be there for us if we want to laugh.  We need you to be there for us if we don’t want to say anything at all.

Psalm 30 says, “Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.”

“You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;
you have loosed my sackcloth
and clothed me with gladness,
that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever!”

Right now we are in the night.  We are mourning.  I don’t know how long this night will last, but we both trust that God will bring the morning and turn our grief into dancing.

Keep praying for us.

We love all of you.

-Brandon

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15 thoughts on “weeping may tarry for the night

  1. Brandon and Leah,

    I do not know you personally, but I can relate to your pain. Few months back, on my birthday, we lost our baby too. I was 8 weeks pregnant. I can understand the pain u r going thru..Just like you guys, we told everyone that we were pregnant and was so excited..Even our daughter was so happy. To make a four year old understand that the baby was no more was really painful…I know that no words can heal your pain right now..Take courage..He will heal you..He makes everything beautiful in His perfect time…though you may not see it right now…You both are there in my prayers today.

    ranijv@yahoo.com
    http://springsinthedesert.wordpress.com

  2. brandon and Leah. You do not know me, but I am a friend of Jada’s. Please know that I just prayed for the two of you. I do not know what you are going through. I pray that i never know how you feel. My sister gave birth to a baby girl named Maggie six years ago. She was three months early. My sister had a seizure due to high blood pressure and they had to go ahead with the delivery. maggie lived for 5 beautiful weeks. Since then, my sister has had a baby boy, a miscarriage, and another baby boy. They are now 5 and 3 years old. Through the loss of Maggie, many came to know Christ. Your testimonies are blessed. God is perfect and his plans are perfect. Your faith will stand. I am not sharing empty words with you. I have already and WILL keep praying for the two of you during the loss of your child. This was your child the moment it was concieved. I pray for comfort. I pray for joy in knowing that your baby is with the Lord. I pray for strength. I pray for comfort. I pray for your feelings of lonliness to be taken over with feelings of knowing that the Lord is with you and that friends are praying for you. I do not know you, but I love you both!

  3. Becky and I have been there, Brandon. I know from firsthand experience not to be a “friend of Job” to you.
    I just prayed for you and Leah and will continue.

    Peace, friend.

  4. Brandon and Leah – We’ve never met. I actually “friended” Brandon on FB after seeing the infamous youtube song. You don’t know me. Yet we do love the same Jesus and we have that in common which makes us “family”. I know that nothing I say will take away your pain. I know that because I’ve been there. Twice. It doesn’t get easier. I’m praying. Really. God is the only one that can heal your broken hearts, my prayer is that he not only heals but he restores. I wish I lived closer and could bring you dinner. Praying for you both tonight.

  5. Brandon and Leah,
    Mark and I lost a child at 11 weeks. Yes, you have lost a child and you need to grieve for that child. Do not let anyone tell you differently. One day we will see our children in heaven, but for now take time to cry, grieve, get angry, rest, and know that God is big enough to handle all of our emotions. He is a good God and He is a God of miracles. I am praying for you both. Love you!

  6. Your lovable child is now being Loved beyond all imagination AND he/she is learning to love likewise. She/he is present with you always and sees your tears, feels your pain, and is raising you in his/her hymns of praise as we speak to the Eternal Father of us all. She/he is also majorly busy consoling all the unwanted unborn babies with his/her awareness of your total love. She/he’s asking God to soothe your souls and all broken-hearted parents with the warm light of His Reflected Presence, reflected in the glowing face of your baby on His Most Holy Lap. The Holy Virgin is even playing with his/her toes!

    What Marvelous Joy from such terrible sadness as could only be compared to Resurrection Day, courtesy Jesus Christ Our Lord from Whom all Good comes.

    Jesus, protect and save the Unborn! Mary, Refuge of Holy Love, pray for us. United Hearts of Jesus & Mary, Triumph and Reign!

  7. only time will dull the pain you feel right now, its hard to go threw the day knowing you never got a chance to know the little one and see how she would have laughed and grown. the questions are never answered and there is no understood reason, just know that one day the hurt will be less ,we are here for you ,use us,

  8. Brandon and Leah, Bryan just told me your sad news. My heart is broken for you both. I just said a prayer for you and will continue to pray for you now and when this darkness passes. All my love I give to you both.

  9. B&L

    He is our peace. He is our peace that transcends understanding and comprehension. I know that you know that. But sara and i are praying that you experience it exponentially in these days. hope doesn’t disappoint. love you guys.

    Jt and sara

  10. Leah and Brandon, I don’t know what you are going thru but God does, and we have to remember that He makes no mistakes. Our church and prayer group will be praying for you both. I wish I had more to say to comfort you but all I can do is pray. Love to both

  11. You probably don’t remember me I am a really good friend of Jada’s and have only met you one time but I want to share something with you!! My husband and I have now have three beautiful children but after our first two were born, I got pregnant and lost my baby at work. I can remember people saying to me that oh aren’t you soo glad you already have children and I wanted to stand up and scream but I wanted that one! My life became a constant battle to hide from what had happen and to try and remember that I was blessed. But i hid for too long and one day it all came crashing down and I hit rock bottom. I want you to know as a parent who has lost a child, and my friend you are a parent even if it was only for a short time, you need to let Leah and yourself be angry and sad and don’t hold it in! I hope you know that I am hear praying for you and that will continue until you are at peace and find a new normal to your life. I can say that the Lord did bless me through this time in my life and I came out the other end much stronger but still a little bit broken, a broken that doesn’t fix just lives with you! If Leah needs to talk or you need an extra prayer or a ear to rant to please feel free to call on me!!
    My prayers and blessing are with you,
    Corrie Coats

  12. (I found your blog on youtube – “I Think My Wife’s A Calvinist”)

    I’m sorry you lost your baby. I’m so sorry for the pain you are going through. I don’t know you, but I’m praying for you this morning.

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